As a newlywed, there are 2 questions I’m constantly
receiving from random women:
- How’s married life threating you?
- When are you guys making a baby?
My answer to the first one is “Great! I love it!” My answer to the latter is- not yet, not anytime soon. And surprisingly, in a society where people believe that the moment you get married, you have to have a baby, women seem to be more accepting of my desire to not have a baby immediately than my answer to the first question. Usually 3 out of 5 people give me that weird look, like “What do you mean you’re happy?” which is followed by the sentence that I have been cursing since the first time I have heard it: “Just wait until your honeymoon period is over.”
As I kept getting this same question, I decided to observe women’s reactions. So far I could group them into 3:
1. The bitter group: This might be a cultural thing, I’m not sure sure, but the answer from these women are quite typical: “Just wait until your honeymoon period is over”, “just wait until you are married for a little longer”, “you’ll see when you two get to know each other even better”, “I don’t think marriage is ever a good idea”, “Oh I don’t think I can love someone enough to marry him’, ‘I don’t think I am the marrying kind”. It is so sad to see how hopeless these women are about either their own marriages or just about the concept of marriage in general. And do you know what is worse? The ones who had a bad experience with marriage expect everyone’s marriage to end up like theirs! Why can’t they just hope that other married women will be happier than them, rather than giving them a certain amount of time just to let them see that things do get worse for everyone? I mean, do they really have to be so bitter?!
2. The happily-ever-after group: This is my favorite group. These are the women who are above a certain age and have been leading happy marriages for a long time. These are the women who made a vow to love their husbands for better and for worse, and actually meant it and did everything to keep it. One of the old ladies who asked me how my marriage has been going and received a positive answer from me said, “Marriage is the best thing if you are married to the person you truly love. Amen, old lady, thanks to women like you, the first group will believe that happiness in a marriage possible!
3. The willing-but-not-ready group: These women are younger than the second group2. They still believe that the right person is out there for them and they would maybe consider marrying them, but they just are ‘not ready’ either because they haven’t found that person or even if they are in a relationship, they just don’t feel ready. If you are like the latter, I’m telling you- I don’t think you ever feel ready until about the 2nd month of your marriage, so don’t worry!
I don’t know about the other women out there, but I don’t think we ever had a honeymoon period. We had so many ups and downs in our relationship, and they all made us love each other even more. So if we have to ‘wait and see how life will get harder and harder’, I have a feeling that it will only make our relationship stronger.
Feel free to share
how you feel about it!